Monsters

In the last 24 hours I've been bombarded with electromagnetic and sound waves. Yesterday I had an MRI for this recurring calf problem. What I didn't know about getting an MRI:

 

1. It takes hours. Wow. And I didn't finish... after two hours we were only halfway done. I finish the imaging next week.

2. It's loud. It's kind of like lying on the street as a diesel truck drives over you. Or so I'm guessing. They give you headphones to block out the noise and provide you with music to kill the time.

 

Heh heh... yeah, so the guy asked me what station I wanted to listen to. "Uh... uh... er... um... ESPN."

 

"We don't get that one here."

 

"Damn... okay, Jack FM."

 

So there I was, on my back, unable to move, with commercial radio being piped into my head.

 

(Remind me to hit Wikipedia later to research the specifics of the Chinese water torture)

 

Jack was... okay. I could do without hearing "Sharp Dressed Man" and the handful of foppy synth-pop songs they sprinkled in. But largely I could stand to what they played (not that I can recall any titles now).

 

Results of the MRI will be in week after next.

 

***

 

And this morning was the sonogram. The tech assured me that I am not pregnant.

 

But they were checking for gallstones, along with the general appearance of several other organs. It's a much simpler, more comfortable procedure than the MRI, let me tell you. A little KY on the abdomen, then they jam the remote control from an old Betamax into your guts and you get to watch TV for a bit.

 

I must say that every organ of mine, save for the liver, was distorted, blotchy, and clearly needed to be removed.

 

***

 

So after being bombarded by all these rays (and let's not forget the x-ray last week) I'm waiting to see if I transform into a superhero when I get angry. THE INCREDIBLE DORK!

 

Or maybe my already unearthly nacho consuming powers will increase.

 

***

 

I wrote a paper not long ago on internet porn "addiction" for school. Here's a good piece on reg'lar ol' sex addiction on Slate: http://www.slate.com/id/2156023/fr/rss/ It covers some of the same ground my paper did.

 

***

 

Looks like Toland my have to change the photo on his myspace page: http://www.cnn.com/2006/TECH/science/12/22/giant.squid.ap/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

 

Okay, so these things can reach 60 feet, have tentacles, eat smaller squid (ew!), have one eye, live in the uncharted depths of the sea... I'm quite willing to accept that yes, these are monsters. I mean... if that doesn't get you classified as a monster, what does?

 

***

 

After getting my sonogram today I headed straight for Starbucks, as the test had required that I not eat beforehand.

 

In line ahead of me was a young woman I know. We're not friends or anything, but she's a clerk at the video store.

 

She was extremely intoxicated. It was 10am on a Friday, and there she was, barely able to stand, eyelids droopy, speech slurred... She changed/screwed up her order over and over, and it took two Starbucks clerks to get it all straight. She dropped her change, of course, when they handed it to her. With her was a young teenager, a girl of maybe 14. I'd guess it's her sister.

 

I'm going to take a stab in the dark here and guess heroin is her drug of choice. I've always noticed her long sleeves, her skin pallor, sunken eyes... just a guess though.

 

The younger girl seemed to project an air of embarrassment, sure.

 

***

 

As I left I realized that they'd left ahead of me, and I wondered if they were driving. I don't think the younger one's old enough to drive. But I couldn't see them anywhere.

 

I got in the van, pulled out, and as I waited at the light to go under the freeway, I saw them in my rear view mirror. Hoo boy. This woman could barely stand, yet she was behind the wheel of a car. Ah crap. I was actually worried that she'd nod off behind the wheel and coast into my rear bumper.

 

The light changed and we moved. I hit the ramp for the freeway, and they did too. When I last saw them they were doing about 30 on the freeway, way back in my mirror. I hope they're okay.

 

***

 

Ya'll have a good Friday.