A Different Kind of Survey/The Boy Toy

I believe these questions come from a book entitled The Counselor Intern. These were read to us in class recently, and they struck me as making for an interesting survey.

When I did realize I was an adult? When I was about 25. I’d been married for a year, and slowly began to feel more comfortable in my own skin.

What are my five best qualities? Empathy, fairness, patience (well, I’m told I’m patient, though I don’t feel that way with my kids sometimes), honesty, and…irresistibility to the opposite sex. Okay, just seeing if you’re paying attention.

What are five areas of my life I need to improve? I work, I work out, I take classes, I read, I write… yet still I feel I need a motivational boost sometimes.

(Motivation… that’s one).

And the aforementioned patience needs improvement. I’m patient with my clients, but I need more patience with my kids.

Nerves. You know… I’ve come a long way. I give public presentations regularly, mostly in my second language. I recently spoke to over 2000 people over the course of four speeches in a church… but I wish I could lose that one last little pinch of nerves I always get. I still have moments where I think, Screw this! I want to bail out!

What’s my basic philosophy of life? Everything will be fine as long as I have my coffee and my scone.

Is my glass of water half full or half empty? Why? If the person who wrote this were standing here I’d pour the water on his or her head.

What pervasive mood do I find myself in most of the time? Pretty happy-go-lucky.

What do I think about people in general? I’m inclined to think that, generally, people are good and mean well. I get disappointed sometimes.

Who are my heroes? My Dad, my sister, and a few musicians and writers.

Who is the most creative person I know? Why? Oh wow. You know… MOBB used to work with this amazingly creative person named Barbara. She and her husband had done their own sub-contracting on the construction of their house. They’d managed to procure all these great materials, including the hardwood planks from an old skating rink to use as their flooring. The house was unique, practical, and just beautiful, full of character. Barbara speaks two or three languages, is also an artist of admirable talent, and knows a lot about polka music. She’s spontaneous as heck, and once when we were visiting her she suddenly told MOBB and me that we should just spend the night. She’d invited us for a grownup sleepover! Fuddy-duddies that we are, we stuttered and stumbled, said something about needing to get home to our cats (this was before kids), and said, “let’s plan for another time.” The spontaneity was gone, and it never happened. I always regretted not allowing myself to do that for some reason.

What are my personal goals and objectives? To bring back break dancing.

How do I cope with life challenges and personal stress? I work out, write, and these days I’m playing loud guitar again.

Am I past, present, or future-oriented? Mostly present, with a tinge of future.

What would my best friend say about me? “I’m still waiting to get my Tupperware back, dude.”

What would my worst enemy say about me? “Thanks for the Tupperware.”

What is the biggest criticism people have of me? That I’m too timid.

Am I open to my own potential needs for counseling? Sure. Been there.

Do I take time to play? How do I play? Literally, with music. Though you know, humor’s a big part of my life. I’m not trying to impress anyone, not trying to prove anything. It’s just how I’m wired. I come from a long line of pretty funny folks, actually.

What are my reasons for becoming a counselor? I aim to help addicts. They need the help, and I find the topic fascinating.

What makes me think I will be an effective counselor? In some ways, counseling is as integral to me as my voice.

How do I handle my own stress and burnout? I gather that among addiction counselors there’s a career arc that’s very much a product of burnout. I do anticipate that I’ll do it for a number of years and then go teach in a junior college somewhere.

How do I handle praise and criticism? I am still learning to take praise without self-deprecating comments.

***

I dreamed that Liza Minelli decided I was going to be her new man.

I’m not kidding. In fact, the theme was consistent over the course of more than one dream, as I sometimes woke up or, you know, had to hit the bathroom.

Yeah, for whatever reason she wanted me to be her “kept man.” She took me to this incredible penthouse in Manhattan, and showed me all the stuff there, how it would all be effectively mine if I’d just agree to be her latest thing. There were swimming pools, art pieces, electronic hoo-has, verandas, skyline views, and parties where that cheese you squirt out of a can was served.

I kept waiting for… you know. THAT. I kept waiting to have to, ahem, cash that check. In the dream I kept asking myself how I’d react when the inevitable sight of her naked body was presented to me. And, uh… what would she expect?

And you know, I worried for nothing. She never brought it up.

***

Ya’ll have a good weekend.