How BB Plans to Save the Earth

Bear with me. I think I've solved the problem of greenhouse emissions. Just remember that YOU all knew me back before the Nobel Prize I'm sure to win.

***

I've been thinking about this. What we need to do is get some of the worst offenders, like big 4x4 trucks, off the road. Those are the ones that get single-digit gas mileage.

And why are there so many on the road? Tiny penises, of course. It's a well-established fact that the guys with the smallest willies are actually the ones who buy the biggest trucks. I believe it's an offshoot of the Napoleon complex.

Anyway, my idea is that we give free penis augmentation to those in need. Then, all those fellows with their new, strappin' johnsons will no longer feel compelled to use large vehicles to demonstrate their manliness. Emissions will be cut down, because those men will no longer feel a compulsion to prove their virility by way of knobby tires and POWERSTROKE engines.

Yes, penis extensions will save the earth.

***

When Wolfboy and I pulled up to his summer camp today, all of the kids were in the parking lot with their teachers and a policeman.

A teacher told me that the back door to the school had been smashed, and that the policeman had just finished checking it out. He was certain that no bad guys were in the school. In fact, it appears that the door was the only thing damaged. Nothing was missing or vandalized inside.

So Wolfboy, doing as kids do, decided to get out of the car through my door. Yes, that 4'3" kid, all gangly elbows and knees, had to crawl over the armrest and duck his head. That wasn't enough to keep him from knocking the mirror out of place, nearly spilling my drink, and digging his elbow into the car horn, much to the chagrin of the policeman who was standing in front of the car.

He turned around.

"It was him!" I said. "Put the handcuffs on him!"

The cop smiled.

Wolfboy asked, "Who honked at me?"

***

Happy Friday.