At 2:09 a.m.

Yeah, it's late.

It's been one terrific day. So many good things happened today.

What's a boy supposed to do when his dreams come true?

Hi

I'm here, I'm alive. Lots going on.

I don't feel like getting into it right now.

Expect good things. Will update soon. Maybe.

Peace.

The little black box has opened

This is to be touched by the divine.

This is the place of silence, the place where words fail.

This is where doubts go to die.

This is how the dream becomes the inevitable.

This is the Bodhi tree.

This is victorious surrender.

This is ...

This is yes.

Mr. Sleepy Checks In

I spent a little time today going over old posts, and you know, I really put a lot of time and thought into some of them.

I don't know if those days will come back. I don't know if I'll feel that old compulsion, that need to put thoughts into words. Not to that extent at least.

But I hope I never lose it altogether.

***

Been listening to John Legend today. This guy is really flippin' good. I got his Evolver yesterday (thanks Ken). He's got a real talent for R&B, and though he's clearly well-versed in the old school approach, he updates the sound nicely with modern rhythms and production.

***

The spiritual quest never ends. It just never does. I suppose I'll never stop seeking answers.

***

Kelli, my ex-wife, graduated with her Master's degree from SMU today. I need to ask her specifically, but I believe it's in ancient history. She worked hard for years on her studies and her thesis, and I have all confidence that she is truly an expert in her field now. Congratulations, Kelli Dee.

***

The Rangers have lost a couple of ugly games to the Jays. But hey, bad baseball beats no baseball.

***

I was lost in a moment tonight.

And then it happened again.

And again.

Don't dare pinch me.

For Sale: Field of Dreams

Is this Heaven?

Lines

I was born on August 29, 1968. To some people, that would seem like a long time ago. To others, not so much. I feel different ways on different days.

I wish I could see some sort of a graphic of my life. Maybe a map or a globe. Something showing a line of where I've gone in my almost 42 years. Zipping around Texas, occasionally across the nation or even the globe.

***

THEGIRL found a packet of herb seeds a couple weeks ago. We made a little row in the dirt outside my apartment and planted them. We're slowly starting to see little plants emerge. I hope they're herbs, but they could turn out to be weeds.



So the lovely Miss Renee' gave her a few more seed packets: cucumbers, and three types of squash.

We borrowed ex-wife's hoe, raked out as many rocks as we could, and made a stab at creating a little garden. I mixed in a little potting soil, but I really don't know if we'll end up with any veggies out of this. It'll be fun trying though.

***

I had a whim to watch the trains go by yesterday. I dropped off the kids and headed over to the Hurst Bell train stop, where I spent so many mornings awaiting my ride to my job for Belo. Five years after I left that place, the line takes me back to that train stop.

I really didn't know what led me there. Still don't. But I figured I'd sit on a bench and watch one or two trains come and go.

I arrived between trains, with none due any time soon as far as I could tell. It was a cool, comfortable morning though, so I didn't mind sitting there, doing a bunch of nothing.

Suddenly I caught a glimpse of that telltale light. A train was coming. That stop is right next to a railroad crossing, and soon the arms came down and the bells rang.

And--ZOOM! The train blew through there at maybe 60 miles per hour, not even slowing down. The wind gust nearly blew my ball cap off, and I just had to laugh.

I left.

***

I watched the movie High Fidelity again for the first time in quite a while. Many people who saw that back in the day commented on how much Rob, the main character, is like me. I believed it.

Watching it again, though, I was struck differently. I was once like that, but I'm not anymore. There's an undercurrent of anger and doubt in that character which I no longer have.

It still made me howl with laughter here and there.

***

Racing thoughts plague some people while they're trying to sleep. I've certainly dealt with them myself. I used to try to draw an infinity sign in my head over and over to combat this, and it helped.

Racing thoughts seem to be sort of scattershot to me, even if they're connected. It's like trying to sleep during a fireworks show. I think too many parts of the brain are being lit up to relax and ease into slumber. I decided to create an exercise that is focused and linear.

The infinity sign seemed too simple, frankly. People come to a counselor with pretty lofty expectations, and a short answer to a nagging problem isn't received so well.

("Stop it! That'll be five dollars...")

So, I tell them to imagine that the pharaoh has died, and that they've been tasked to wrap the mummy. Using one piece of gauze, they are to imagine how they'd wrap the mummy, head to toe. And once they're done, they realized they've omitted something, so they have to unwrap him, following the same route. And so on.

Some come back to me saying this was a big help, and some politely tell me I'm nuts.

***

I draw fewer lines in the sand these days, but they're deeper.

***

Y'all take care.

Daily Meditation for May 4

Validity

A river new--
Ancient words unneeded.
See, touch, rushing beauty,
Drink crystal flow.

When we stand on the banks of a river, we must realize that it is constantly new. Although we might say that it was running long before we were born, its exact configuration--the particular currents, the way it flows around rocks, the shape of its banks, the paths of fish in its depths--is subtly unique at any given moment. To know the river, we only need to experience it directly: to touch it, to swim it, to contemplate it, to drink it. The same is true of Tao.

Tao is ever flowing. Although it was present since the beginning of time and though many have experienced it, it is here for us to explore today. Touch it. Swim it. Contemplate it. Drink it. If you have touched Tao, you should harbor no doubt about it, nor should you wonder that you need scripture to confirm it.

[From 365 Tao Daily Meditations by Deng Ming-Dao]