Thursday, February 28, 2008

Blisters, Falkner Musings, Pills, Boscoe and the Test

Follow me.

Or not.

Something strange used to happen to me. I’d never heard of this before.

When I first moved out on my own, I was a mess. It was late 1990. I’ve been over all that I suppose.

And I’d get these blisters on my hands. I’m not kidding. The correlation was clear: When I was stressed out, I’d get them. I could feel them even before I could see them. Sometimes I’d pick at them a lot and make them emerge, and sometimes I’d try to leave them alone, and maybe they’d be all but invisible. I could still feel them though.


Random lyrics from Jason Falkner’s “Untitled”
You ran outside and caught the moon

I knew then and there I'd never catch up to you

When you ran outside and caught the moon

I knew then and there I'd never catch up to you 

You may not have been able to change the world

But at least you changed my world

You may not have been able to change the world

But at least you changed my world...


I have faced some serious stress this week though, and handled it better than usual. I’m pretty startled at how capable I’ve been.

It doesn’t feel right somehow.

These pills have some side effects I don’t like in the least. I may quit taking them.


Another random Jason Falkner lyric, from “The Introduction”

Take a chance with me
And you will find you’re only dreaming…


It was four years ago this month that I was lying on that air mattress in the nursery-to-be, unable to sleep, lost in the sound of Jason Falkner’s album Can You Still Feel?.

So much of it is about being aware enough, being comfortable enough in one’s own skin, to recognize beauty and talent. And it’s about chucking aside complacency, about pursuing what you really want.


“It’s not all black and white.” That was the theme for my senior yearbook.

Turns out they were right.


We’re all over the map tonight, eh?


Had to go work in one of our outlying counties tonight. It’s one aspect of my job that I enjoy. They did their darnedest to make this Fort Worth boy feel welcome. I appreciated it.

And the brownies were terrific!


This weekend I take the exit exam. I must pass this to graduate.

Two classmates who took it said, “It’s no big deal! You’ll pass easily! There’s hardly any stats!”

Another classmate who took it said, “You NEED to study for this, BB.”

Another classmate who hasn’t yet taken it said, “I’m worried—I heard there’s stats on the test.”


Man, these Flamin’ Hot Cheetos are pretty doggone good!


Guess I’d better knock off before some theme or interesting writing emerges… Good night.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008


I watched a pink balloon float up into the night sky tonight. It seemed to follow me for a while, drifting above, beautifully contrasted against the blackness around it. I told THEGIRL that perhaps it was going to la luna.

[For whatever reason, she only knows the Spanish word for “moon.” She’ll say it and then defiantly add, “That’s MY luna!”]

And I wonder where that balloon is right this very moment.

Happy Birthday to THEGIRL!

My little girl turns four today. Here she is, checking out her princess-themed birthday cake.

I'll be in class tonight, so we celebrated last night.

She's my princess, my blue-eyed hurricane (the second of two in my household), my fearless child. She's the dancer, the comedian, the toughest one of us. If there is one natural-born martial artist in this family, she's it. Woe be unto the boy who dares to cross her.

She gets out of bed at night and puts beautiful clothes on over her pajamas. She puts shoes on too, pulling high-heeled slippers out of a bag in her closet. We find her asleep the next morning, splayed out in glittery lace.

Sunday she wept in bed when she finally realized that her favorite princess dress was simply too tattered to wear anymore.

She speaks her own language, cursing us in tone if not real words, managing to tell us exactly what she thinks in words that we mostly cannot understand.

She is the thrill-seeker, begging to be carried to bed upside down by her ankles every night (really). I toss her on the mattress and she laughs that big, bluesy belly laugh of hers.

She talks to her teddy bear, telling him when it's time to go to bed.

She's the miniature thief, easing across the living room carpet ever-so-slowly, hoping we won't notice the huge bag of candy she's stealthily trying to drag to her room.

She's the caretaker, quick to bring you a blanket and pillows when you lie still for any length of time.

She's the willful sprite, the independent child who is content to play in some back corner of the house, often under a bed or in a closet. Sometimes.

Other times she's the little showgirl, dancing and singing, shaking her fanny and squealing.

And she is, above and beyond all of that, my girl.

Monday, February 25, 2008


BB’s current therapy: The Search by Son Volt.


1986, and this thing is hovering over me. I’m parked in the ditch outside a cinderblock dance club, but I shake too much to go in. I chug a couple beers, throw up in the weeds, and go in.


Last night I had a dream from that time. It was mostly emotions and sounds. I was listening to “Can’t Hardly Wait” by the Replacements, a glorious, horn-soaked rumination on the comfort of the covers and “the lights that flash in the evening.”

And in the dream I cried for something lost, some piece of glory in the music that had slipped away, maybe forever. I vowed to find it again, or to find more like it.


I am at the memorial service, speaking to a few dozen folks in an unplanned moment. I’m talking about a man I cursed last July, and talking about Steinbeck’s loss of Ed Ricketts, and how one of the greatest writers of our time struggled to make sense of the tragic loss of his drinking buddy, how we all struggle to make sense of it.


I am in the dark, under the covers, reveling in the sensations. Sometimes it hovers, sometimes it relents.


We searched all day, yes we did. Son Volt, with their photo of an obscured Buddha on the jewel box, sang of The Grapes of Wrath as we worried ourselves over dollar signs.

Ours is not the life of the Joads.


They gave me pills for this thing, pills that are supposed to jigger with my brain chemistry.

I’ve got two settings on the anxiety meter: 0 and 100.

The pills screw with my sleep, make my fine motor skills a little twitchy too. But the anxiety is cushioned in some ways. Some.


I’m standing at the sink last night, about to pour out a bottle of wine that’s been taking up room in the fridge since New Year’s Eve.

No one is anywhere around. I pull out the cork, put the bottle to my face, and take several deep breaths. My nerves spark at the familiar old smell, and my head swims. I’m tempting temptation, but honestly, it doesn’t come.

I pour it out.


The covers feel good, and I lie there, hoping the world will just pass me by. No one will notice that I’m just lying here, swimming in semi-conscious thoughts, memories, sensations.

Recurring first voices, sounds.


And this thing hovers still, even as the pills remove me one generation from real time. I walk, I talk, I laugh, but I see it all through tint.

Friday, February 22, 2008

A Quick One

Sorry to be MIA. Very busy week, what with my exit exams coming up and the spectacular death of the Papi Chulo Minivan.

I'll be back soon.

Have a terrific Friday. I know I aim to.

And for a little chuckle, something my sister sent:


"True" Friendship
None of that Sissy Crap

Here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card- Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".

Remember: A friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel...

Monday, February 18, 2008


1. Talk to a cute boy?
Today? Sure, Wolfboy.

2. Talked to an ex?
No way, Jose

3. Missed someone?

-Last Person Who-

4. Laid in bed with you?
My son

5. Last person made you cry?
Otis Taylor

6. Went to the movies with?
Mike Llorca

7. Went to the mall with?
My kids

8. Made you laugh?

9. Said they loved you?

10. What are you most scared of?
Parent's health problems

11. Does anyone like you?
Yes, and sometimes I wonder why.

12. Do you like being around people?
Mostly yes

13. Have you cried recently?

14. Are you lonely right now?

15. Song stuck in your head?
"Arriving Somewhere But Not Here" by Porcupine Tree

16. Have you been on radio/tv?
Too many times

17. Ever liked someone who treated you like crap?

18. What time is it?

19. How much cash do you have on you right now?
I'm in my jamammies... so nothing.

21. Who got you to join Myspace?
I believe it was the devil

22. Wish someone was next to you in the morning when you wake up?
Someone is.

23. What web site do you visit the most?
Yahoo mail. When did I become so doggone social?

24. Do you have any plants in your room?
Jeez... we don't!

25. Who was the last person to talk to you?


It's just my nickname.

In my bathroom!

It's part of the very fabric of my being. (That's a yes)

Possessions fall away.

5. French Fries or tater tots?


A three-toed sloth, which must surely be as different from hyperactive ME as one can possibly get.

Yep. They threw beer on me.

9. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite/same sex?

11. Do u still watch kiddy movies or t.v shows?
Every single day



25 facts// 13 secrets


1. Name a lyric that gets stuck in your head sometimes: “With a purple umbrella and a fifty cent hat,” from Led Zeppelin’s “Livin’ Loving’ Maid.”
2. Name a CD that should have been huge but wasn’t: Can You Still Feel? by Jason Falkner
3. Name a live music performance from TV that you liked: Neil Young on Saturday Night Live. He did "Rockin' in The Free World," "Needle & The Damage Done," and "No More.”
4. Name a good music video: Um… The Who’s “Eminence Front.”
5. Name a sexy song: “Tomorrow Never Knows” by the Beatles
6. Name two very, very heavy songs: “Give Thanks and Praises” by Bad Brains and “Unsung” by Helmet
7. What’s the 51st way to leave your lover? Uh… Flee to Nepal, Saul
8. Ever own any K-Tel records? Sure, I had Wings of Sound. I think it featured “Driver’s Seat” by Sniff ‘n’ the Tears
9. What song gives you chills? Oh… let’s go with “Killing Jar” by French, Frith, Kaiser and Thompson
10. Name a goofy country song you like: “Ruby, Don’t Take Your Love to Town” by Kenny Rogers

Saturday, February 16, 2008


It's early Saturday evening. MOBB is napping, the kids are watching Charlie Brown, and I'm just chillin'.


Valentine's Day went well enough. I was in class that night, so the kids were in charge of giving the little gifts they'd selected to MOBB. Wolfboy hid them here and there, and it went over pretty well.


Something funny happened that day as my supervisor and I went to the main office for the staff party. I held the door open and heard the counseling admin saying something about a gentleman. At first I didn't know what she was talking about. Turns out it was me. Here's what she said, best as I can remember:

"You're such a gentleman. There aren't enough gentlemen anymore. I'd marry you. You'd make a good husband. I been married 35 years. You better hope my husband doesn't die, cuz if he does I'm coming after you. I'm gonna seduce you, and I'll be good at it too."




I didn't sleep worth a plug nickel last night. This morning I was in a bad way for many hours. It finally passed, but too late for me to go to Krav at 10. Dang.


Tonight I'm going to watch the Kimbo Slice/Tank Abbott fight at my buddy Ken's house. I'm looking forward to it.

Kimbo and Tank are two brawlers, and this is going to be one of those fights where two big guys just try to beat the bejeebers out of each other. It won't exactly be a clinical display of martial arts prowess.


Ya'll have a good weekend.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Valentine's Day

Well, I wanted to post a video of "My Funny Valentine" by Chet Baker, but it's not available.

And I wanted to post "Angel Eyes" by Jeff Healey, but embedding is disabled.

Click the title of this post, though, and you can at least go to Youtube and watch it.

Have a great Valentine's Day, everyone.


[Edit: You know, what's a Valentine's post without a sexy photo to go with it? Something to make you, you know, get in the MOOD and all? So I thought I'd post this fabulous photo of a scantily-clad me, taken at the doctor's office yesterday. Cue the Barry White...]

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Name the Guitarist

I scored 100 - Full Shred! - on the
Name the Guitarist Quiz
Can you recognize the guitars of famous guitarists ?
by Ibanez Electric Guitar blog

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

"I'd Rather Go Blind"

I heard this song on the way to work today. I suppose it's originally an Etta James song. I could look it up, but I don't feel like it.

I'm actually not a huge Etta James fan. Her over-the-top singing just never quite lit me up. But I remember seeing this duet with Dr. John back in the mid-80s, and it still makes me smile.

If you happen to know a terrific version of this song, I'm all ears. The lyrics are great, but I have yet to ever hear it really done well.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

The family that lives together rocks together

BB's current therapy: Bad Brains LIVE at CBGB 1982


It's a beautiful day. MOBB is over in Dallas somewhere, doing some work thing or something.


THEGIRL was up most of the night, sick. She's fine now, keeping her food down. No fever.

Why do these bugs always strike overnight?


So I spent all morning feeling like I'd been hit by a truck.

Not much sleep does that to a boy.

I struggled to come out of it, to find a peaceful place in me. Hard to explain I guess.

Eventually, I found it.


Now I feel great.

I feel ready. For anything.

Try me.


From a moment ago...

Me: "Hey [Wolfboy], this is a kind of music you maybe never heard before. It's punk rock. It's all ugly sounding and they dance funny and have funny haircuts. They're called BAD BRAINS."

Wolfboy: "Maybe that's why they're not very good."

Me: "What?!? I like this!"

Wolfboy: "I don't like their look."




Eh, I plan to play The Kids are Alright after this. The family that lives together rocks together.


I'm not even sure what that means.


Step right up, get your ticket punched. Only seven to go.


Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

No, scratch that. pay lots of attention to him.


I think my Tang has fermented.


I hurt in all those places I got punched yesterday. But it's a good hurt..


I should get out and sun myself at some point I guess. Find some place to stretch out like a cat, feel the goodness.


All right, this laundry isn't gonna fold itself. Thank you for stopping by.

What Do You Mean?

Right now, Bruiser's probably in post-show glow after seeing the reunited Reivers down in Austin. God he and the Toland siblings and I went to see them a lot back in the day.

We'd always hit Fitzgerald's in Houston to see them. Good stuff, every time. They just had such a good blend of melody and rock and intelligence.


Their songwriter/guitarist John Croslin had a day job at a Half Price Books back when I lived in Austin. It was odd to go in there sometimes and see this brilliant guy working at the "sell your books here" counter.

I remember a strange little scene with him once. Some older customer had put a stack of books in the wrong place or something. Someone (not Croslin) told him not to put them there.

Folks were shuffling around behind the counter, and the customer said, "What do you mean I can't put them there?"

And Croslin, who didn't seem to have heard what was originally said to the customer, looked up and said, "What do you mean by 'what do you mean?'"

Odd. And the guy just clammed up.


BB's current therapy: "Bubbly" by Colbie Caillat.


Keep an eye on Bruiser's blog. I'm sure he'll post something about the show ASAP. He'll probably have great photos too.


I'm the only one awake in the house at the moment. It's the first quiet moment I've had all day.


It's been a decent weekend. I woke up feeling pretty so-so this morning, but I got off my backside and went to advanced Krav. Glad I did--it was sparring today!

I love me some sparring, ya'll. I did a total of eight 2-minute rounds. Sometimes I looked good, other times I didn't. I got clocked in the nose, and for an hour afterwards it felt like it was bleeding, but nope, no blood.

I threw some good combinations, and finally started working on using my reach advantage over most folks. I found this one little kick/jab combination that kept several of my partners off balance. I even had a green belt tell me, "Man, you're not bad."

But after getting hit in the head enough times I realized that I'm actually Batman.


We hit my favorite noodle place for lunch, then I took the kids on a PMV (pointless mall visit).


You know, sometimes it DOES get to be all about you.


Tonight I ran late, but still managed to get to the theater in time to see No Country for Old Men, a really good thriller starring Tommy Lee Jones.

A good ol' boy (Josh Brolin) gets crossways with some drug dealers, particularly a ruthless killer named Anton Chigurh, played by Javier Bardem.

Bardem was great. He played that sort of canted hitman who has such presence that simply seeing him in a scene was enough to make me squirm. I couldn't help but think, Holy @#$%, there he is again--what kind of crazy stuff's about to go down NOW?

Oh, and it was based on a novel by Cormac McCarthy. You paying attention, Parlett? You need to see this. It isn't exactly the feel-good hit of the season, but it's tremendously gripping.


BB's current therapy: "I Feel Love" by Donna Summer.


Frank Shamrock's gonna fight Cung Le. Man I'd love to see that. I like Le quite a bit, but Shamrock's one very dangerous fighter.


Okay, it's time to give it up. Here's a Reivers video, "In Your Eyes," for you. Good night.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

But Can the Sheep Pitch?

Just a few quick notes...

Nolan Ryan, my homeboy from Alvin, Texas, is now the new Rangers president.

Somehow, Nolan was left off of my man-crush list.

By many accounts, the Rangers now have one of the top five farm systems in all of baseball. The man widely, credited for that, GM Jon Daniels, will report to Nolan.

God is great, God is good. Perhaps the Rangers will get pitching, in addition to thunderous wood.


I'd like to think that somewhere in some contract of his from years past must SURELY be some legalese stating that the Rangers also own DNA rights.

Yes, I'm suggesting we make Nolan Ryan clones. Tell the Aggies to quit jerking around with sheep--we need them to clone us some pitchers, pronto.


Two songs that are proof that a song can succeed with a good melody, good performance, and really dumb lyrics:

4 Non Blondes-- "What's Up"


Goo Goo Dolls-- "Name"

By the way, the Goo Goo Dolls... "Name" would actually have been a better name for that band. In fact, just about anything would have been, including:

Emergency Appendectomy
Debbie Gibson
Uncle Chester and the Sidelong Glances
Deuteronomy's a Hoot
Wolfboy's All-Cheese Diet
Shut Up Shut Up


I'm just sayin'.


Note to Sis: I want to start a fraternity at my school and call it Gabba Gabba Hey.


The Triops didn't make it.

But we have more eggs. We'll try again.


I'm giving it up. Have a grand Friday, a grand weekend. Revel in this life of yours. Share an embrace once in a while.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

The Groove Line

... by Heatwave.

Leave your worries behind.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Pot Dispensers

Okay… something stinks in this article (the title links to it).

I’m not specifically opposed to marijuana for medical uses. A chemical is a chemical, and good or bad depending upon its use. The chemical dependency program taught us that there are drugs for the same symptoms that work as well as cannabis/THC which DON’T come with any particular image or legality issues.

But… if they’re trying to be legitimate, trying to earn the respect of peers in the medical and medicinal communities, the presence of a Bob Marley poster and its location in a nearly-empty “vitamin and herb” shop aren’t helping.

And there’s a Timothy Leary Medical Dispensary center? Is this article for real?

And Since when does one get prescribed marijuana as part of anger management therapy?

Monday, February 04, 2008



Sunday, February 03, 2008

Music Survey

[Note: If you take this survey, it's got some typos and other general sloppiness, so you might want to clean it up a bit before posting. Or not.]

Click here to take this survey: Up up and away!
BB says: You know you wanna

What song best describes your life?
The Long and Winding Road

If you had to pick only one, who would you say is your favorite band?
BB King

What are your three favorite albums and why?
Tones by Eric Johnson is just a brilliant palette of inspired sounds. Can You Still Feel? by Jason Falkner is a masterpiece of pop inspiration--and he played & sang every single note on it. And Live at the Regal by BB King is essential, period.

What is the best concert you have ever attended?
Wow. Too hard to pick. Eric Johnson? U2 on the Joshua Tree tour? The Who? SRV & Jeff Beck?

What is your favorite love song?
"Nosotros" by Conjunto Cespedes

Who would you most like to see in concert that you haven't already?
Porcupine Tree

What is your favorite album cover?
Uh... The Atomic Bitchwax have pretty consistently great covers

If you were stranded on a deserted island with a CD player, what three albums would you want to have with you?
The three listed above

If you were to start a band, what would you name it?

What is your favorite music video?
Let's go with a music movie instead: The Kids Are Alright, featuring the Who

What band and/or song brings back the most memories from your childhood?
"I Wish" by Stevie Wonder

What musician do you find the most attractive?
Susanna Hoffs

If you play or were going to learn to play an instrument, which would you choose and why?

Band or musician you are most embarrassed to admit that you once liked?
P!nk. So sue me.

What is the first CD you ever purchased?
Led Zeppelin IV

Who do you think has the most creative band name?
No idea, but I find the band Test Icicles to be amusing

Which do you prefer: buying albums or downloading music?

What do you think is the best movie soundtrack of all time?

What song that is currently on the radio do you feel is the biggest beating?
No idea. I don't do much radio. But people tell me the song by the Cyrus daddy/daughter duo is a beating

Which band or artist do you most wish would disappear from the face of the earth?
Can I just say hip hop?

Created with GoBeachDesign - Myspace Survey Maker. Make your own today!

Friday, February 01, 2008

Survey: Firsts

Ganked from Nadine, who tends to skip questions she doesn't like, hence the numbering here:

4. What was your FIRST job?
You know, it's hard to say. It was either the one or two days I worked at Burgersmith that summer, or it was Jack in the Box when I was not quite 16.

5. What was your FIRST car?
1971 Chevy truck

7. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning?
Debbie Gibson

8. Who was your FIRST grade teacher?
Mrs. Something. Uh... Valenta? Valentina? Something like that.

9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane?
I think it was Cancun

10. Who was the FIRST person you snuck out of the house with?
Good lord, who knows? Uh... Murray? Phil? Whit?

12. Where was your FIRST sleep over?
Had to be Whit's house.

13. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today?

14. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time?
Had to be Bryan McAuley's

15. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning?
Woke up 11 minutes early and immediately began, as usual, to ascertain whether I had that awful hangover feeling. Not too bad today.

16. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to?
The Firm

17. FIRST tattoo or piercing?
One ear at age 18 or 19

18. FIRST foreign country you went to?

20. When was your FIRST detention?
Never happened. I wasn't perfect; I was just that smooth

21. What was the FIRST state you lived in?
Texas. First and last, baby

23. Who was your FIRST roommate?
Toland. Good LORD did we cram a bunch of stuff into that apartment. It was like a labyrinth.

Where B BB?

I'm here, I'm here.

Not up to posting much at the moment.

I'll be back.