Friday, January 05, 2007

BB's B&B/Strange Parties I Have Attended

I have a great idea: I'm going to open a posh B&B for celebrities. I mean, if you want to be treated like a regular person, just come hang out with me, as I have NO idea who most celebrities are. I mean... I know some names, but here's a short list of folks I absolutely would not recognize if they bit me in the ass (and some already may have):
 
Beyonce
Renee Zellwegger
Lance Bass
Anyone who has been on Survivor or... not Star Search... uh... American Idol
Jay Z
50 Cent
Posh Spice
Freddy Prinze, Jr.
Uh... man, I'm bad at this. But basically, if you're famous, I don't know who the hell you are, so come crash at my crib for $1500 a night. My son's bed can accommodate two (Michael Jackson is excluded from this offer, btw...), and you can sleep beneath genuine Hank Blalock and Spider-Man posters.
 
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Strange parties I have attended #1:
 
The one where a bunch of Oak Cliff drunks chased an escaped pet wallaby around for a while. That was highly amusing. I think they alternately referred to it as a kangaroo and a kitty.
 
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Report from the infirmary:
 
Something weird is going on with my liver. It's working in overdrive, bigtime. I went in today for another set of tests.
 
I've seen an orthopedic doc for the calf, and he disagrees with the MRI in that he does not feel there's a tear. He does agree that there's a cyst, and in fact, he says there's a bone spur too. Surgery is likely, though I've been referred to a podiatrist (my fourth doc for this).
 
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Strange parties I have attended #2:
 
A Christmas party some years back populated mostly by strippers and morticians. It was really quite a lovely little get-together, all things considered.
 
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Generally speaking, though, I'm feeling fine. Work's slow, the kids have been good, it's a short week, the rain's stopped... what's not to like?
 
Gonna take the boy fishing again this weekend I think. I might break down and get some blood bait to really try and hook something, but man I hate the way that stuff smells.
 
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Strange parties I have attended #3:
 
One where there were so many illegal immigrants (Czechs, thank you very much) that English was third or fourth on the list of languages spoken there that night (behind Czech, Polish and maybe Spanish).
 
They drank like fish, played accordian, and really tried to swing from the chandelier. And I met three women named Hanya.
 
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They also dressed to the nines.
 
(Now there's a strange saying)
 
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Krav's been good lately. After a regular class we usually have a very informal sort of "all request" period on the mat. Sometimes we spar, sometimes it's ground.
 
We did ground last night... I don't ever think I'll be a whiz at this, but you know, if I keep going, keep getting tossed around... I might get a few tools. I'm already seeing some recurring themes and underlying principles here. I'd prefer to stay on my feet, but if I can have a measure of competency on the ground to at least get back up I'll be doing okay I think.
 
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THEBOY seems to have hit another one of those ages where the developmental milestones just whiz by. I mean... he's becoming a little boy, a unique, opinionated, self-determining little entity. In the last few weeks he has:
 
Learned to read many new words
Tried new foods (THIS is huge). He even liked some of them
Made great grades
Told me, "The ladies are gonna love you in that shirt."
Announced that he wants to let his hair grow out some
Started peppering me with lots of questions about the bad guys' motives when we read comic books
Helped clean the house
Insisted that I seek out his teacher in the hall before class to share with her just how well-behaved he's been lately
 
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Wow... a kind stranger has reported to me that she is reading Juke, and "can't wait" to read the next chapter.
 
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Boogie time. Ya'll have a good one.

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