Off the Rails

“Woke up this morning, after ‘nother one of those crazy dreams…” BB King (“Chains and Things”).

***

What’s written on the bluesman’s tombstone? “Didn’t wake up this morning.”

(I love that one)

***

Dreams. I guess it’s from reading about all of these pioneers in psychology that my brain has decided to go completely off the rails come dreamtime.

Last night was a doozy.

I dreamed I was in some sort of classroom setting, getting ready to take a surprise quiz. I wasn’t prepared, and I was looking for someone among the students who might be able to give me some last-minute info. There was Braves pitcher John Smoltz, so I asked him. He couldn’t help.

If Smoltz isn’t prepared, folks, you’re sunk.

Then I was in a porn shop. Well, a porn/video game/guitar shop/S&M parlour. Yeeeeeah. All sorts of craziness in there, from twisted movies and paraphernalia for sale to bondage demonstrations… I saw a woman who’d had her nose surgically altered to resemble… resemble… okay, I can’t bring myself to finish that description. Let’s just say Freud might have actually cracked a smile over that one.

BUT, old fart that I am, know what excited me most? Finding the guitar shop tucked behind the secret door in the back. Yep. I paid about zero attention to all the naughty stuff and instead took great delight in talking to a young guy about what filters his new pedal utilized to get that sound he loved.

A tight little power pop band was playing too, but then the whole place caught fire. Turns out the band was playing there as some sort of deal with the devil, and they couldn’t really LEAVE when the joint started to burn. They kept on playing as the fire engulfed the members one by one, destroying them spectacularly. Finally the guitar player made an attempt to get out at the last second. He burned right up, but one of his fingernails somehow was left.

***

Suddenly I was in a car, driving BB King somewhere. A song of his I didn’t recognize came on the radio. It was ethereal, sort of a gospel thing I’d say. I asked him if he ever got used to hearing his voice on the radio, and he said yes. Then he smiled and turned it up to hear the song.

***

That’s all I can remember. We should all be thankful.

***

Kelli was a tornado last night, doing a great job touching up the paint in the kitchen, taking off the old hardware. And the exterior of the house looks lots better. I imagine the landscapers will wrap up today.

Of course, sometimes I imagine that Salma Hayek is behind some unrecognized number I see on my ringing cell phone…

***

Happy Tuesday.