"Progression," a One-Act Play

This short play features three characters:

 

THEDADDY, aka me, BB, Brian. Befuddled, dazed, grad student, parent, martial arts wannabe who recently tried to tally how many diapers he’s changed in his life but gave up. Age: 37

 

THEBOY, formerly known as Wooga Wooga, aka the Gatorade Thief. Age: Five

 

THEGIRL, aka the Queen, the Boss, or She Who Must Be Fed. Age: Two

 

***

 

Scene: THEBOY’s bedroom, where THEDADDY and THEGIRL are playing peacefully with THEBOY’s cool new Batman race car thing.

 

[Enter: THEBOY, clutching a half-full bottle of Gatorade]

 

THEBOY: Say Daddy, are you going to finish your drink?

 

THEDADDY: Yes I AM. Where did you get that?

 

THEBOY: It was on the kitchen table.

 

THEDADDY: Just put it down here beside me. You’ve had enough to drink you little mooch.

 

[THEBOY puts down the drink and sits down to play the game too. THEGIRL gets up and leaves the room for a moment as play continues. She returns after a moment, carrying her mug full of Gatorade. Play continues.]

 

THEGIRL: Mess! Daddy, mess! Napkin!

 

THEDADDY [seeing a little spilled Gatorade on the rug]: Oh, okay baby girl. Did you make a mess? It’s no big deal. Just a minute.

 

[THEDADDY ducks into the restroom and fetches an old wash rag from the back corner of the cabinet, then returns to THEBOY’s room]

 

THEDADDY [to THEGIRL]: Here you go, darlin’.

 

[THEGIRL takes the rag and vigorously scrubs the spill, doing a surprisingly thorough job]

 

THEDADDY: Thank you.

 

[THEGIRL stands up and leaves the room, unnoticed by THEDADDY, who is wrapped up in using the Batmobile to blow up spinning Joker heads. Really.]

 

THEDADDY: Good one! That was great!

 

[Sound of a flush from the restroom. THEDADDY stops what he’s doing]

 

THEDADDY [thinking]: Did she just… wait…

 

[Time slows down as THEDADDY leaps up and runs to the restroom. THEGIRL is standing by, watching the swirling water as THEDADDY arrives. He considers plunging his arm into the toilet but knows it’s too late. The wash rag is gone]

 

THEDADDY: What… what did you do? Did you flush the wash rag?

 

[THEGIRL grabs the handle, flushes again]

 

 

***

 

At least it was an old “headed for the garage” rag, and it didn’t seem to clog the pipes, somehow. It was rather small.

 

***

 

Lunch soon.