Damaged Piece

Things are about to get a bit dramatic around here. Won't go into specifics, and I'm kinda sorry to bring it up at all, but hell, it's on my mind. I'll have more lowbrow humor posted soon enough, I'd imagine, so stop back by in a couple days if you'd rather not get a taste of the Life of Brian.

***

It's not the wife/kids... all that is fine and dandy.

I'm just about to do something really difficult. It's on my mind all the time, either at the forefront of my thoughts or bothering me in my dreams.

If someone has no interest in helping themselves, is a person bad for not sticking around to help them? I've tried to be the good guy for a long, long time in this scenario. Most of my life, and it wasn't my choice to start with.

As I've learned in counseling class, someone who has not yet considered changing their problematic ways is in "precontemplation." That's clear enough: They have not yet even contemplated getting help, changing things for the better. And no amount of motivation will budge someone in this position.

It drags the helper(s) down. It drags me down. Those words don't nearly convey what I'm trying to say.

It does more than drag me down. It's made me doubt everything at some point. The sanctitity of marriage. The possibility of happiness. Trust. Love. Honesty. Safety. Sanity. Sobriety. And I guess the straw that broke the camel's back was when it made me worry for the safety of my children. No, that's a worry I won't tolerate. I will remove myself, remove us, and guarantee that in absolutely no way will my children, or anyone else in my immediate family, be in any sort of physical or emotional peril. I tried to turn a blind eye before. No more.

This won't be the first such occurrence with this person. I worry about the aftermath, worry how dramatic it will be. I wonder how deep this person's narcissism runs. I have a good idea, and it's frightening. I hope that protecting my loved ones and me (me! Finally imposing the distance my heart craves... this is way overdue) doesn't jeopardize anyone else. Sometimes a dramatic display can get out of hand.

A piece of my heart will also break, but you know, I think it's a damaged piece anyway.