Swamp Thing

Ah, Thursday afternoon, and very little to do at work. By God, it's a wonder I haven't spent all day posting meaningless hoo-ha and scattered ephemera...

***

A video of Helmet playing a blistering "Smart," the best song on their solid CD Size Matters.

***

Something's come up, and Hood may not be able to go to Arizona for spring training next month. I'm disappointed, but I've got a couple other folks in mind I may ask to go with me. If not, I'll go solo, like I did in '00. God knows I could stand some decompression time.

***

Continuing the "jerk" theme from a few days ago...

Back in '89 or '90 when I was working at Larry's Music, I went to Sonic for lunch one day. Got my grub, and as I backed out someone behind me started honking. Now, I can't say for sure that I didn't cut someone off or whatever. I looked, of course, before backing out, but that's no guarantee that these guys didn't come around the corner abruptly. They certainly seemed pissed off about something.

Nothing I could do, though, so I pulled out. I was headed down Plantation Drive, going back to work, and those two pulled up beside me. They were yelling, honking, making obscene gestures at me. Assuming that the worst I MAY have done was get in their way in the Sonic parking lot, I grew tired of Tweedledee and Tweedledum making such a scene.

I carried a military issue billy club in the car at the time. Finally I responded to them: "You think you're tough?"

And in their subtle, succinct way, they confirmed that indeed, they believed that they were "tough."

I said, "Follow me."

I turned down Dixie Drive, planning to stop in the parking lot at Larry's and work both of those knuckle-draggin' yahoos over with the club. Then I was going to work their car over with the club, just to give them their money's worth.

I guess that, even two-on-one, they sensed that something was up, and when I turned in to Larry's the kept going straight. Probably best for all involved I guess.

***

That car was the '76 Ford Maverick my grandmother gave me. It was a manual, a three- speed. First and second got you going, and third covered everything else.

It had some sort of ventilation problem, and every time it rained all the various ventilation innards filled with water. Right after I moved to Austin I was hitting the freeway one day in a storm. The window needed to be defogged, and I hit the switch. Boom--every vent started pouring forth steam. Suddenly every window in the car was steamed up, and it was like sitting in a sauna. It was an interesting display, I'm sure, as I wiped the glass furiously and drove down I35 with the window down, going about 30mph.

***

A right turn would also cause the vents to dump about a quart of water into the passenger side floorboard.

Once as I was cleaning out the car I saw some greenery down there, which I figured to be a stray blade of grass or something. I grabbed it to toss it out but it was some clover, actually growing in the floorboard. Yes, the carpet was so moist and full of nutrients that it could sustain plant life.

I therefore christened the car Swamp Thing.

***

Okay, better wrap this up before I start posting fart jokes. Happy Thursday... we're almost there...