Where?

Okay, feeling a little better today. A little.

The boss just sent his latest "no personal surfing or communications on company 'puters" email. Reminds us all that we signed something agreeing not to do it, blah blah blah. God, he'd have to fire everyone in the room if they enforced that, including himself. Hell, he sent us all one of those chain emails yesterday ("My sister swore this brought her good luck...").

***

Where are my cohorts? Where are the other people like me? Why doesn't anyone else think like me? I can't decide if I'm smarter than everyone else or dumber.

***

More Wal Mart: Sunday as I shopped with my kids, who were both very good, I watched a couple with a young boy. He was maybe six years old. Yeah, he was getting into things, opening freezer doors, and once he got in my way as I tried to move forward. No huge deal, really. And certainly nothing that merited his father (step-father, mother's boyfriend, whatever) grabbing him by the back of the neck and shoving him. He didn't fall at least.

***

Where is hope? I don't see much when I look outside my walls. But I see it within them.

***

THEBOY sits in his bed at night with a flashlight, reading his books or playing little games in bed. And Kelli and I really don't mind. We want his room to be his domain, his safe place. He's a good kid, and never been one to give us serious problems at bedtime. So we cut him some slack. When he gets tired he'll go to sleep. Heck, his flashlight went dim last night, so I cut on his closet light.

Later as he slept I went in and turned it off.

I came in this morning to wake him up and it was back on.

Hope. I hope that this isn't an illusion, that he will remain the sparkling, conscientious little fellow we see. Left to his own devices I'm sure he would. But someday he'll be out there with the brutes and the dimwits, the heartless and the misguided.

***

I see it in my daughter, determined to play the "drop my milk so Daddy will pick it up" game this morning. I tried to ignore it, and she stared at me, making sucking noises to indicate that she wanted her drink back. Brilliant! And I got suckered too. Handed it back to her, once, and she dropped it again. Game over, kid.


***

It's Wednesday. Just place one foot in front of the other and we'll get through this thing.