Cringing, Laughing, Fetching

Gotta admit that I got this idea from some local morning DJs. I DON’T usually listen, and in fact I don’t know their names or the station.

But the idea interested me: What’s the worst thing you’ve ever said to a date/love interest/whatever?

And what’s the worst thing one’s ever said to you?

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Now, I’m not going to get into anything lewd or ugly, but you’re welcome to.

Kelli and I still laugh over something that happened when we were dating. I’d been staying at her apartment probably five nights a week. As we walked in one evening, she turned to me and said, “I think I just want to sleep with the cat tonight.”

I laughed then, and I’m laughing now. That’s absolutely the worst line of crap I’ve ever heard. Jeez, I’m not OFFENDED if you, the single young lady, happen to want me, the clingy boyfriend, to vamoose for an evening. But why cook up such a line?

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Most awkward: When I worked in the mall, this cutey who worked as a waitress over at El Chico caught my eye. But a similar-looking girl came to my store once, and for a moment I mixed them up. I asked if she worked at El Chico, and she said no.

I explained that she bore a resemblance to the other girl. And for some reason I found myself telling her, “But she’s actually got a MUCH bigger head than you do.”

And I could almost see the steam coming out of her ears as she stomped off.

My boss heard the whole exchange, and told me, “I don’t know WHAT you were trying to do there, but man, you really messed up.”

19 years later I’m still cringing. What’s the statute of limitations on making an ass of oneself?

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From Toland: The thing with THEBOY reminds me of something. I've noticed watching Maria's kids that, as excited as children are about getting lots of stuff for Christmas, they get equally excited about giving presents to the ones they love. That gives me a warm feeling in my tummy on Xmas. After 12 years of retail hell seeing the holidays bring out the worst in adults, it's the only thing that makes Christmas worth a damn anymore.

Funny you should mention it: THEBOY gets just as obsessive over giving gifts as he does about receiving them. This morning, in fact, he fetched his Etch-a-Sketch from his room and announced that he wanted to wrap it and give it to his friend.

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My Secret Santa kicks ass. Today I got a squishy baseball, a baseball pillow, and a palm tree-shaped neon light for my cube.

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Almost lunch. Ya’ll be good.