Jerk!

Ah, a family tradition…

20-odd years ago, this rude Lake Jackson cop:

1. Pulled us over in Matt's car for going 22 in a 30 (!) one night. Pulled us out of the car, FRISKED us, made us stand in the glare of the headlights, and upon seeing a Playboy magazine in the back seat, made the universal "whacking off" hand gesture to his buddy with a laugh. Jerk! We were sober, guilty of NOTHING, and he nearly pulled the seat insulation out of the back of Matt's '66 T-Bird because it looked to him like freebasing paraphernalia. Yeeeeeeah. I was 10 kinds of furious over it.

2. Came into the bathroom at the movie theater to pee while I waited on my buddy Tully to finish his #2, and looked over his shoulder to ask just what I thought I was doing waiting around in there. I must admit I made a smartass remark, which I won’t repeat here. I guess I’m lucky the headcase didn’t make a bigger deal out of it.

***

So my sister got pulled over this morning, right there in the daycare parking lot, just before she managed to fetch her kid(s). She had an expired inspection sticker, and did not have a current insurance card. From Sis:

“As I gave the card to him, I said, ‘This is not current, but it is the most current one I have. I know you can't take my word for it, but I do have insurance.’ The officer had a smarty little attitude and said, ‘This is not current. No way is this current.’ Duh buddy, I just told you that!”

He gave her attitude through the whole thing.

I asked her the name, and it’s the same one from 20 years ago! McDonald! So he's a grade-A jerk, and clearly, in 20+ years of working for LJPD, hasn't earned himself a cushy desk job.

***

Gotta watch them Briscoe kids, man…

***

And now, apropos of nothing, a survey. Ganked from Nadine.

1) What stickers do you have on your car, if any?
A UT Longhorn sticker, a Texas Wesleyan “Rams” sticker, and the usual gov’t-required hoo-ha.

2) How many pairs of shoes do you own?
This is the feminine side of me: Probably about… 15

3) What do you hear right now?
”Summer Madness” by Kool & the Gang

4) If you could drink anything right this second, what would it be?
Iced coffee. Venti.

5) Does anything hurt on your body right now?
No

6) Ever take candy from someone?
When I was five. Got caught too. I’ve almost wrapped up my probation.

7) Whats your job position called?
Traffic coordinator in real life. In my fantasy life, it’s “Dr. Love.”

8) What size ring do you wear?
Uh… er.. duh… um…

9) Do you own a camera phone?
Nope. I’m waiting for them to finally decide exactly what gizmos will all go in a pocket-size gizmo. Camera, phone, iPod, tazer…

10) What’s your birthday?
August 29

11) What was your elementary school’s mascot?
Wildcats. Snarl.

12) What’s your favorite bottled water?
You know, when I worked at the mall in the 80s, the vitamin store down the way had some mineral water they put on clearance, and no one knew it but me I guess. Was fizzy, tasted like weak beer. So I’d go in there every day and fetch one from the cooler in the back of the store. Soon my urine turned green from drinking so much of it. That was my favorite, whatever that was.

13) What’s the next concert/show you’re going to and when?
Van Morrison! I’ve waited decades to see this guy, and he’s coming to this area next month! I expect it to be like the hand of God.

14) What were you doing at 11 pm last night?
Sleeping. I got tired and hit the sheets early.

15) Whats your favorite Starbucks drink?
Venti iced coffee. Jeez, magical mystery interviewer… you don’t ever read my blog, do you?

17) Did you attend your High School prom?
Yes indeed. I didn’t have enough money to pay for dinner, and my date was quite satisfied to use her multi-layered dress underpinnings as a first line of defense against my libidinous onslaught. She won the battle AND the war.

18) Did you go to someone else’s prom?
No

19) Would you give your bf/gf a second chance if they cheated on you?
(Wife in my case) I don’t know. I hope I never have to find out. I’d like to think most anything could be worked out.

20) Something red within 5 feet of you:
The fringe on the dress my daughter is wearing in this cute photo.

21) Your last bag of chips?
Barbecue baked Lays

22) The funniest thing you’ve seen this week?
Oh man, the photo Whit sent me of the woman who hiked up her skirt to ride this motorcycle… I nearly spit my coffee out my nose!

(Uh... where is 23?)

24) How much French do you know?
I watched French in Action on PBS almost every weekday for years. Here’s what I remember:

Robert is a candy-ass. I’d like to kick him in the pants.

Mireille never wore a bra.

Pierre Capretz needed a haircut.

25) Sparkly things?
What? What does this mean? When I was 10 years old and walked head-first into the same gate latch three times in a row, I saw sparkly things everywhere… are you asking about this incident?

26) Ever crash a car, been in accidents?
I slid off an icy road in my ’76 Ford Maverick 20 years ago. First folks on the scene just drove by and laughed from the comfort of their heated Suburban. Hey mister, explain what this finger means to your kids.

27) Do you look good in yellow?
Nah. I like maroon and black mostly.

29) Ever sang in front of a crowd?
I doubt it.

30) Do you dance?
Only with my kids.

31) Is your hair its natural color?
Is grey natural?

32) Do you exercise as much as you should?
Oddly, yes.

33) Favorite kind of pizza?
Thin-crust, and don’t slouch on the tomato sauce and mushrooms.

34) Ever had Dippin Dots?
I don’t think so. Unless this is another reference to that time I smashed my head on that gate latch…

35) Ever make fun of a homeless person?
No no. I went off on one for asking me if I could spare a taco once though. “I bought three tacos because I wanted three tacos, not because I wanted to eat two and give one away.” Not one of my shining moments. It was long ago.

36) How old were you when you got a cell phone?
Er… 34?

37) How old were you when you got your first car?
About 16. We couldn’t get it running, and sold it.

38) How many tickets do you have?
One

39) How long have you been driving?
20 years.

40) How many parking tickets?
None

41) Do you own your own car?
Well, the bank technically owns it. I’m getting back at them by vandalizing it daily.

(Where is 42?)

43) At what age do you want to get married?
Whoooooooa. Time warp survey. Actually, I wouldn’t change a thing.

44) Have you ever been married?
Yes

45) Have you ever received a restraining order?
Wow. No. Whoever wrote this thing has some issues. Is that you, Officer McDonald?

46) At what age do you want to have kids?
I started at 32, ended at 35. Snip snip.

47) How many kids?
2

48) When is the last time someone deleted you from their Myspace friends list?
What? Uh… what?

(Dare I ask about 49?)

50) Ever been kicked out of your home?
Nope, but there have surely been times when my wife was glad I gave her some alone time.

51) Favorite character on Friends?
Which one would look best on camera, pulling his/her ripcord and realizing the chute wasn’t opening? That’s my favorite.

52) Favorite store?
Oh. Uh… who am I kidding? I’m gonna plead Starbucks, even if it’s more like a restaurant.