The Return of Grouchalina

Happy Valentine’s day, everyone. It’s kind of a shame that if anyone gives me chocolate, it won’t be in the shape of something living. That is, Easter has the bunny, Christmas has Santa… but Valentine’s Day only has Cupid, and we don’t tend to get candy shaped like him.

And I say it’s a shame because I like to take those human or animal-shaped figurines and drop them in a cup of hot coffee. In my mind I imagine them moaning, “Heeeeeeelp me, I’m meeeeeeeelting!”

Then they DO melt, and I drink up the chocolate coffee results of my torturous fantasy.

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Okay, I just made that up. But I find it amusing.

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Grouchalina is one of THEGIRL’s aliases. Sometimes that kid can cast a black cloud a mile wide.

Between her arbitrary pissiness after school yesterday and THEBOY’s newer, even tougher “never eat anything but cheese” policy, an hour after we’d been home we felt like we’d been in a war.

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THEBOY likes to wake up his sister in the mornings lately. This morning he zipped off with his mother to do so, while I read the paper and ate my breakfast.

Now picture this:

Grouchalina emerges from her room wearing only a diaper, scowling, with jubilant THEBOY and Kelli in tow. She makes a beeline for the breakfast table, grabs my juice (despite my feeble protests), and CHUGS it all right there. She slams the cup down and starts crying.

“Uh, help yourself,” I say.

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Yesterday I myself had trouble waking up. I lay there for two or three minutes, which is an eternity for “hit the ground running” BB. I stretched, blinked, took a few deep breaths, and swung my legs over the side.

There, crouching in the semi-darkness was THEBOY.

“I had a nightmare.”

This time, at least, I didn’t clench my fists like I wanted to pummel him. And I’m glad to report that I didn’t shriek like a girl. I merely had my lifespan shortened by a decade. I don’t know how long he’d been there, but he’d been utterly silent. Scared the bejeebers outta me.

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And that, folks, is a snapshot into our lives. Kelli Dee, it’s you and me trying to be ringleaders over this circus. You’re a terrific mother, partner and wife. I love you. Happy Valentine’s Day.